BUSS 1225:2026 · Fourth edition, slightly worse

The standard.

Forty-one clauses, two annexes and a glossary, for assessors, knitters and anyone who has wondered how many pom-poms is too many. (Eleven. It is eleven.)
Clauses 1 to 3

Scope and definitions

This standard applies to all knitted, crocheted or texture-painted upper garments worn by an avatar between 1 December and 6 January, and to any worn outside those dates by people who simply never took it off. It does not apply to scarves, which are governed by BUSS 1226 and are, frankly, a mess.

For the purposes of this standard, a “sweater” is any garment with a reindeer on it. A “jumper” is the same garment worn by an assessor from the British office, who has asked us to stop pointing this out. A “cardigan” is a sweater that has given up halfway, and is certified at the assessor’s discretion.

“Festive” means having at least four colours that do not go together. “Hideous” means festive, but with conviction.

Annexes

Special provisions

Annex A

Digitigrade legs

Sweaters are worn on the top half and are not affected. This annex exists because the question comes up every year, and we wanted somewhere to point.

Annex B

The tail cozy

Avatars with a tail must have a hole for it, or a separate knitted tail cozy in a pattern that clashes with the main garment. A matching tail cozy is a fail.

Annex C

The back of the sweater

The back must carry a pun. The pun must be about the wearer’s species, and it must be bad enough that a friend reads it aloud and then stops talking to them for a moment.

Clause 11

The polygon budget of a typical compliant sweater

BUSS 1225 does not set a maximum polygon count. It sets a minimum. A compliant sweater worn on its own should be enough to drop an otherwise sensible avatar to the lowest performance rank, and this table shows how a typical one gets there.

Feature Polygons
Base sweater The only reasonable line on this table 2,400.00
Reindeer, protruding, three-dimensional Nose is lit separately and has its own light probe 18,000.00
Pom-poms (11), physically simulated Each will find your face in the mirror 26,400.00
Jingle bells (40), one physics bone each The legal limit; bell 41 makes it a percussion instrument 32,000.00
Lights, one material per bulb Cheap in polygons. Ruinous in draw calls. We said what we said 4,800.00
Tinsel trim, alpha-blended Your graphics card will remember this Christmas 61,000.00
Annex B tail cozy Clashing, as required 7,200.00
Annex C pun, on the back Cheapest feature on the garment, does the most harm 120.00
Decimation credit Applied once, in 2019. The assessor responsible has been spoken to -1,200.00
Typical compliant sweater 150,720.00
Clause 40

Fee schedule

Fees are payable in candy canes. The Bureau does not accept money, gift cards or compliments, which is why it has none of any of them.

Service Candy canes
Standard certification Four to six working days, or until the assessor stops laughing 12.00
Expedited, before Christmas Eve The assessor comes to the instance and stands near you, judging 40.00
Re-test after a sincere compliment See clause 9.9. We are sorry this happened to you 6.00
Gallery of Excess, framing Frame is also ugly, to the same standard 25.00
Pre-season tinsel consultation Tinsel is a material. The committee disagrees 3.00
Refund on a Tasteful result We are not monsters -12.00
Everything at once (not advised) 74.00